“I couldn’t catch the exact word”.
That’s how I’d always tell myself when I say a nearly perfect word for what I see. It sounds so good the instant I say it, and the next moment I drown in a sea of doubt. Will I ever utter the right word? That’s just about everything in life. You live your whole life trying to catch the exact word that reflects your emotions and draws your feelings in the air or in the ear of the person listening to you, but you never really feel like you’ve got it all right and that you’re a master of your own language.
Sometimes when you’re around the people you love, you suddenly find yourself unable to speak lest you hurt their feelings by saying one not-so-accurate phrase. You start stuttering like a fool and saying one word like three times then take it back, say another word, just nearly half of it, then take it back too and give up completely. It’s funny how at that precise moment, the person listening to you usually understands what you really want to say so you start thinking that stuttering is somehow beautiful and then you addict it as if it’s actually a cure to your talking, while it should be some kind of suffering to other people. Strange how the things you think are beautiful can mean the pain of someone else somewhere else in this planet.
You catch your breath for a few moments and sometimes stare at the things around you giving the impression that you’re trying to be inspired by a colourful curtain or a vase or a work of art on the wall, that’s when you realize that in a room full of emptiness, you might not even know how to speak, because even the decorated walls can get you telling the most beautiful words ever.
To wrap it all up, it’s not your mind that speaks the words, it’s also the things around you that speak everything and you’re just a means of communicating what these inanimate objects want to say. So maybe this inability to say that ‘exact word’ is only because you’re actually saying the words inside your surroundings, these things that form who you are, and they’re a part of you, and you a part of them, so you can also be telling what you are feeling. You never know. In the end let’s just presume that speaking, at all, is somehow saying a nearly-exact word.